Eddie's journal, April 4th, 2010 3.16pm
time passes very fast for us.
with the blink of an eye 1 month has passed since i enlist.
do i start this post with my thoughts on my personal life, my squad mates or my scouts?
lets just go with what comes to my mind first.
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when things happen, accidents happen, parties involved always try to look the other way.
pretend nothing has happened, hoping not to bring up the accident in anyway.
but the problem is not really gone, isn't it?
wouldn't this be a classic example of an ostrich syndrome? where you try to bury your head in the ground and pretend that the thing didn't exist when in actual fact it is right there in your face?
or am i really that hard a person to co exist with?
perhaps its really me, i just cant stand all the people in the world who do not consciously use their noggin to think before they act.
i absolutely hate it when I'm serious and the people i interact with think that its a joke.
yes it really is just me. everywhere i go i find it easy to perform well but hard to retain loyal friends, peers and the likes of them.
and all these actions will accumulate into future karma and when i turn old I'd be a white-haired old wrinkled man lying in some anonymous elderly care home with no friends, relatives or child.
Ive a feeling Ive went along this road too far to reverse now. so never mind i guess, when the time comes I'll just have to deal with it again.
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and so 1 month of PTP has come and gone.
living in Foxtrot generally is quite angry and frustrated.
only mildly boring at times.
i hate to say this but some of my squad mates are very unimaginative, uncooperative and totally no initiative.
but me being their squad leader i have to work them no matter, if not for these group of blur people in my squad i wouldn't have a squad to belong to in the first place, much less be the squad leader of one.
living, working and generally being in charge of them is tiring to say the least.
some don't have the basic sense of responsibility for even their own health, others are less motivated than the regular average Joe u see on the streets.
some just want to do the least to get by. some just talk big and do nothing.
and then there are those who thinks that they can do a better job but don't really want to stand up to the pressure of being in charge.
so they try to force, coerce you in to doing things their way.
not to mention that there are those who think that they are better and try to test your patience.
honestly speaking i really don't have a clear idea of what my squad wants, sometimes they do things properly, other times no matter how hard the instructors try they will still any how perform.
and then there are times when they get so frustrated with each others performance that they just break down and fight.
not to mention the countless times the whole squad's been punished due to someones stupid mistake.
i just hope that my squad mates can pull it all together, stop thinking of their own individuals and start thinking of how to better themselves as a squad.
come what may, be it demo squad for the 140th or GOH for NDP. lets just all work together as a squad and do our things properly.
and when its all done we can all walk where the road meets the sun.
i don't want to have to write bad things about the squad in my future squad weekly report anymore.
its sad and frustrating to see things not being done well.
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personally i want to go OCT.
then I'll probably sign on with the force.
but it seems quite hard, have to perform the top 90% for all the tests within the whole 139th.
as for the COY chairman, i would also like to try for that role.
but i cant even take care of my squad properly, much less try taking care of 8 more other squads.
will see how things goes from here on out.
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i think I'll stop at here, haven been back to my scouts for a long time.
wont be fair for me to comment on them.
