life and all its mysteries...

life...

its a 1 shot thing, we dont have a second chance, we dont really have much choice regarding the hand that life deals us...

man...

in our age long conquest of all the worldly possessions...

be it fame...

fortune...

or power...

for all the other things that we fight for...

at the end are they all worth dying for?

the 1 thing that we always dont conquer in the end is our health...

dreams...

are worth dying for... so we fight for it...

we fight real hard for it...

but health is the 1 thing that eludes us no matter how hard we fight...

in the end no one can beat life or conquer it...

everyday, every year, every minute...

we age, we grow older...

we are losing out to life...

take my paternal and maternal grandfathers for example...

both of them had alzhemier's...

for my paternal grandfather he was much fortunate... he dont remember where he is but he still remembers his children and grand children...

but for my maternal grandfather hes not that fortunate... he is completely blank... he dont even remember his own children nor does he recognize his favourite grandson...

now he resides at an elderly home... but signs arent too good... he has begun to see things already...

as for me... nothing much... my kidneys are cleared... but i have jus found out that i have hernia...

not too uncomfortable but its possible to be life threatening...

yet we still live on... life dont jus stop here...

we live life as much as well as we can...

we have to continue to fight for what we believe thats worth fighting for, worth dying for...

set a goal...

make a plan...

but every now and then....

stop, take a breath, look around...

and drink it in...

because this is it...

it not easy, its never right, theres always no one to tell us what to do when we get lost...

but this is life...

and it might all be gone tomorrow...

no rest... not yet... not now anyway...

FYP period extended...


cos lecturers not happy with my work output... says not up to year 3 standard...


very very displeased with the decision lor... felt its unfair...


BUT


what to do?


suck it up and then fuck off lo...


what to do?


ive been studying since last year... no real holiday breaks in between....


from taking modules to SP4 then to FYPJ then IHIAP

span 1 whole year le...


tired... then thought that today was to be the the last day...


failed to see that too many things have been going nicely... and that murphy has came up behind me with my pants down and grabbed my balls...


actually had the intention to quarrel with lecturer jus now... but then too tired liao... i jus tell them i try so see how much more i can touch up... cos they say i have not fail yet... so jus do...


yes for now i jus do... i jus do as much as i can and then see how... cos i pia like fuck for the last 2 weeks liao... i chiong i pia... i drop everything and do finish a playable... then u say this not good that not good... sometimes hor... tell me abit earlier then i can change right...


anyways now is still no rest for the weary yet... 1 more week


then i will finally get my break... for 1 week


then back to doing another project for NHB again...


sometimes somethings in life we dont have to like it... we jus have to do it... and do as best as within our capacity can...

fool again

should have seen it coming...


utterly disappointed...

all i had to do was to keep my whole day free... my whole freaking day...

i dont want to talk to anyone now...

i dont want to understand...

cos there will be alot of "blah blah blah blah blah" and im dont want to hear that...


so what if its unfair if i dont listen to all ur excuse... cos excuses are like assholes... everyone has got one...


and im too disappointed to give a fuck so too bad...


well theres always next year...


but trust me i wont expect nuts anymore...


fuck all that bullshit...

you never know its the biggest day of your life until you are rite in the middle of it, until you realize theres not enuf time,cos u wanna live foever

today is the day...


the last day...


the final hours slip away...


19 years of hardship, pain, joy and laughter...


they all fade away...


add another year to the sum...


and 20 it shall be...


yet at the cornerstone of my life...


all i ever feel is sadness...


for the people i had offended, sorry

for the people i had disappointed, sorry

for the people who expected alot out of me, sorry

yet for all the "sorry" i have...


i only have a small "thank you" for all the people who supported me and helped me...


im not a guy who has alot of self-confidence for many reason...

some even i dont know...


but today is the day...


its the day my life begins...

for all my life ive been jus me...

a smart mouth kid...

but today i become a man...


i become accountable...

i become accountable to people other than myself...

i become accountable to my friends...

i become accountable to my family....

i become accountable to you...

to my future...

to all the possibilities my life after 20 have to offer...

no matter what happens...

i'll be ready...

for anything, for everything...

to take on life...

to take on love...

to take on possibilities and responsibilities...

today i turn 20...

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today finally finished my FYP liao... albeit the game has no sound... im too tired and lazy to do it...


will have to rush my report over the weekend... jus feel like kicking back and give a wild shout of joy...


but jus tank 1 more week... after that endless supply of freedom...


till then i think i'll jus keep a low profile...