Eddie's journal, Janruary 31st, 2010 7.33pm

hey.

you would have started working your last shift at sakae by now.


when you breathlessly came up to me just now and tell me that it was your last day today. deep down inside im happy.


im happy because i wont see you again.


it sounds weird but true. im happy cos i wont see you at work anymore.


its true.


not that i dislike you but its the opposite.


im attracted to you.


however you're already attached, therefore i dont want to come in between that.


im not a very good person. in fact im not a good guy at all. there are parts of me that even i myself dont like.


hes a much better person that 10 of me put together.

so i should not, i will not express my feelings for you now.

its just not right.


i dont want to start anything that will mess up your life.


all i can say is "if only i could have met you earlier in my life"

if you're reading this then dont feel sad for me, dont pity me or anything.


just continue to be yourself, feel happy in fact because you are you.


as for me i'll wait. for a better chance for someone else?


which ever comes first.


good luck and best wishes to you.

Eddie's journal, Janruary 25th, 2010 9.44pm

hey.

hows' everyone been?


nothing much happened since last post.


works been the same. scouts been the same. though im not that emo now i still have my quiet moments to contemplate life.
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started working at kiosk since last week. its good but at times its boring and the margin for error is very small. this is due to the fact that its all about cashiering and 1 small mistake you'll have to pay out of your own pocket.


at T3 kiosk all i do all day is morning do sushi, afternoon do cashier.


when not busy listen to airplane pilots rev-ing up their jet engines all day long.


some in preparation for take-off, others for engine testing.

sometimes can see planes "flapping wings" to test their FCS(Flight Control Surfaces) for pre-flight checks.


ytd saw a boeing A380 flap, freaking awesome.

also watch heat streamers from all the jet engines all day, A380 by far has the strongest heat streamers visible.

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besides work, there are some new part timers that joined up after their 'O's.

there are some ladies who work there that im attracted to.

1 i seldom meet at work but shes blur and violent

1 sometimes met up at work and for break but very bo liao

another 2 will only see when i go T3


but then sometimes i will get to a point that i dont feel like seeing them or even talking to them.

cos i dont want to feel the stupid way im feeling now, the feeling of want and dont want at the same time.

i know that some are attached but yet i am attracted to them, and then i know i should not be so i try to distance myself, but then everytime i see her or think of her my heart beats alittle faster and my thoughts become incoherent.


almost like now.


lets stop now before i start raving
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haven heard anything from RSAF about my compass test. still hoping that i can pass but just keep your fingers crossed for me too.

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scouts are still very chaotic, friends are foes and unexpected ally comes from out of nowhere.

let time sort that mess out. im too tired, my objective is to help the boys not to fight over small political gains or power.

i do not lust for more power nor do i seek to destroy power in others.

i believe in cultivating new batch of good scouts not squabble over political maneuverings or holdouts.

sometimes things have to be settled by 1 person, if you all dont want to take charge then when i do it just keep quiet because you were not there to share the burden of thinking of a solution.
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i think thats all i will have to share.

hardly able to come up with any foresight these days.