Eddie's journal, November 28th, 2009 11.51pm

people say i have leadership qualities and skills.

i beg to differ.

i say all i have is a gut feeling and a damn loud voice.


and then loyalty. what exactly does it mean?

to different people loyalty means different thing. thus for me to demand loyalty from others is almost a crime. only dictators and tyrants do that.

that's why Ive been rethinking my actions recently.



its not right for me to ask people to be loyal to me. its supposed to be like respect, its to be given, not asked.



often people do not know, being in-charge is a very lonely thing to do.



put it this way:

Mantel of Leadership,
Aura,
Binds On Pickup,
+5 speed
+5 attack
+5 intel
-50 hp
+70 loneliness

sometime its is really really lonely to be right at the top of the food chain.

yes you do get alot of privileges.

but they more often than not don't compensate for the shit you have to go through.



fact 1:
it is lonely to be in-charge.

fact 2:
when you have to make decisions, not everyone will benefit from that decision

fact 3:
when certain party do not stand to gain from your decision,chances are that said party will get hostile faster than you can say "sorry"

fact 4:
if fact 3 occurs then said party will begin conducting offensive operations against you and the friendship between you 2 effectively terminates at this point.



i absolutely detest being in-charge, because its a never-ending cycle of anger, frustration and stress for me


the very definition of a Leader is being at the fore front.



being in-charge means making deliberate, measured decisions made for high stakes, without the support of superiors or subordinates, and with the cost of failure almost incalculable.



Such is the loneliness of command.


such is the loneliness i am feeling now.