Eddie's journal, December 11th, 2009 12.36am

woah...


woah woah woah woah...

WOAH!!!!


WOOHOO~!!!


fucking ingrate...


out-fucking-standing.


you ever wonder why you guys are in shit?

ever?



its simple actually...


WHY SO SERIOUS?!?!?!?!


you let so much rules and regs slip that the reason that the reason you guys are in shit was that you have degenerated to the same level as them. theres no start and no end to the dark. you turned off the light yourselves.


its simple.


you are a svc crew. and you can tell a manager/supervisor " eh don't shout at them too much".


wait a minute.


wait just 1 minute.


WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

oh you are just a service crew.

AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING THAT TO?

a manager/supervisor.




WOW.

tell me. if the management doesn't know what to do or does things wrongly. when has it become our job as a simple service crew to tell them what to do?

THEY ARE PUT IN CHARGE FOR A FUCKING REASON MORON!



AND RULES ARE THERE FOR A FUCKING REASON TOO.

well 1 its meant to be broken.


but that's not the point.

the point is, it being a rule, everyone who wants to play the game has to follow. doesn't matter that you be a level 10 or level 50 player.


FOLLOW THE FUCKING RULES.


its called discipline.
oh wait in sec sch you were just a simple NCO in NCC. talk to you about discipline? nah, it'd be like talking to blind man about an elephant.

YES I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU, YOU FUCKING INGRATE DOG.

yeah you don't have discipline and you are a fucking ingrate.


why i say ingrate.


lets see


the very first time you did teppan back in the good old, bad old days and jammed and then got screwed by customer. who was the one who helped you clear up the mess?

i forgot.


and then there was this 1 time when your kitchen jammed till high heaven and u got screwed by peik wai who was it that talked to you and made you feel better?

hmm. i forgot.

and then there was also times when you were pissed after work and cannot stand others partying, who was it that sat by you and accompany you?

i forgot too.


and then today this?


THIS KRIFFING SHEB????


OYA!!!

K'OYACYI!!!

OYA MANDA!!!



well if you don't know what I'm talking about then no point asking me in person. because if you don't feel that its wrong you will never feel that its wrong. no point asking others to point out to you.


i seriously think its a grave mistake to come back to work.

Ori'buyce, kih'kovid
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i don't get it why i everytime tell myself i don't have to let people know the real reason behind my actions.

perhaps its a throwback from a long past where i tried to do good but no one sees the light in my actions so they condemned it.

perhaps its borne from me not being appreciated from a young disturbed childhood.

or it might be that i honestly don't really want to know what others think of me due to my disturbed childhood too.


whatever it might be, it is really depressing, emo-inducing, energy draining, emotionally suffocating and mind tiring.

just like today i found a friend that i had almost implicitly trusted become and dishonest ungrateful dog.

I'm just so drained.

as if someone opened up a tap at the base of my stomach and drained out all the braincells.

nothing blank.

all i feel is white rage. but I've expressed them all above.

so not its empty.

and then i think on.

how do i start making things right?

because if i start showing people why i do what i do. it'll be weird.


it'll be as if Eddie has grown wings overnight and learned how to fly with a halo round his head.

no.

I'm not a saint. I'm not a saviour. and I'm most certainly not a good guy.

I'm just a man trying to make things better for the people, for the friends, for the acquaintances around him.

so i don't mind being the bad guy.

I'm used to being the bad guy.


to no matter how drained i feel at the end of everyday.

i will breathe.

i will sleep.

i will wake up.

and then i will rinse and repeat it all over again.

and I'll bitch about it too. occasionally.

Verd ori'shya beskar'gam